Why Therapy Still Matters

I’ve been talking with lots of people recently about the serious economic issues we currently face in Michigan.  I’ve heard from many that they are worried about their jobs (or their partner’s job), their mortgages, their debt, or their savings.

It is natural to question whether you ought to seek or be in psychotherapy right now.  Is the expenditure of time and money worth it?  This is a serious question and deserves a serious response.

Therapy helps with many things, but one in particular is learning what is important to you, and how to make decisions that follow and support your values.

Could there be a more critical time to be making decisions based on values?  I think not.

Consider–your company is downsizing, you have a chance to take a buyout and look for another job.  Is it time to re-visit the idea of college?  Graduate school?  Moving to another state?  Selling or buying property?

How are those decisions made if not from one’s values?  For example, going back to school…what is the impact on your partner or children?  Moving to another state might sound like a wonderful solution to you, but what will it do to your family?  Are they deeply involved locally?  If changing locale is great for you, is it equally great for them?

What is your decision-making process?  What kind of a communicator are you?  Are you an extrovert (likely to think through decisions aloud with others) or an introvert (likely to consider possibilities quietly before involving others)?

Plato advised “know thyself”.

So that is why therapy still matters in this most challenging of times.  Therapy helps you know yourself.  Therapy provides a place where you can consider all options with someone who supports you but is not vested in any particular outcome.  Therapy is a safe, confidential, neutral time where you can explore your options before you make decisions.

Investing in you is still a good investment…no matter what the stock market is doing.

December 30th, 2008 - Posted in Health: Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Work | | 1 Comments

Ready or Not, Here It Comes

So what does getting laid off have to do with psychotherapy? In the best of all worlds, maybe not much. But as often as we think about what life would be like without having to go to work, getting laid off is a whole different experience.

If you live anywhere in southeastern Michigan, chances are that you or someone close to you will be affected by job layoffs sometime soon.

Here are some suggestions to help you get through it:

?Talk openly with your family about expectations and needs—yours, theirs, and the family as a group

?Get advice from someone you trust about your financial status–this could be your banker or financial planner

?Ask questions! HR, your supervisor, your colleagues, can all be sources of information.

?Think ahead. While it may sound great to be starting over with a severance package, how will you feel 6 months from now if you’re still looking for a job? How about a year? Plan for success, but also plan for things which may be out of your control.

?Finally, remember that there will be good times and bad times. If you find yourself unable to cope in your usual ways, ask for help from a professional counselor or therapist. It can be great to have a safe, confidential place to talk about your feelings without worrying about adding to your family’s stress.

October 27th, 2008 - Posted in Work | | 2 Comments

Subterranean Grief

Many people are leaving jobs these days, at least here in Michigan.

Sometimes it’s a difficult and sad decision, one’s own or handed down from a seemingly uncaring upper management due to budget concerns. Sometimes, however, it is a great relief, freeing one from a frustrating and unrewarding situation.

Regardless of whose choice it is to leave, there are often a wide range of emotions. If you ask your colleagues and friends, most of these emotions are recognizable and shared. However, there is one emotion that is almost always present but routinely dismissed…that of grief.

Grief is a common feeling upon leaving a job. Even when it is your choice to leave, there is the grief related to loss of expectations. Beginning a new job has excitement and anticipation and hope along for the ride. Over time, those feelings can dim as reality sets in, but as long as you’re still in the position, you can hope for change and growth.

Leaving ends that hope, and as with any ending, grief steps in. But grieving is something most people in our culture associate only with death, so you can feel the impact but miss the signs.

Grief over leaving a job has all the same feelings as any other grief: denial, anger, sadness, anxiety, regret, relief and depression.

Our supportive family and friends may want to hear only some of these–if the job created stress for you and for them, your feelings of sadness and regret may be hard for them to fathom. If it was (seemingly) a great job, your feelings of relief may leave your support people confused.

All of the feelings associated with the loss of a job are normal and to be expected. So…what do you do about them?

• First, acknowledge the feelings, and give yourself time to feel and express them. Talk, write, meditate…whatever is your style of incorporating new feelings.

• Next, encapsulate the experience. Create your story of the job and it’s ending, add it to your narrative, and then make it a ‘chapter’ of your life history.

• After that, put it away, in thought and physically. Pack away the mementos for now. Put them in a place you can re-visit later if you choose, but remove them from your current life.

• Finally, envision your future. With loss comes opportunity…the next exciting chapter of your story lies ahead, and the possibilities are endless! Remember, as the past job came into your life, so will a new one, and you will continue to grow and change.

Do whatever you need to stay calm…time with friends, time alone, or keep busy getting all those tasks done that your job made hard to complete. This ‘open’ time between jobs can be creative and productive and help clarify your view as to what you want to do next.

Last but not least…ask for help if you need it! Your friends and other ’support team’ members are standing by ready to assist.

Good luck!

June 17th, 2008 - Posted in Work | | 1 Comments

Waiting for a Break-Through

So a couple of weeks ago, on an unseasonably warm and sunny day (83 degrees in Michigan, unheard of) we planted the first of the 2010 crop. The cool-weather things: lettuce, spinach, beets, garlic, potatoes, and peas.

Of course, each day since then I’ve anxiously surveyed the plots, looking for those little tell-tale signs of emergence that promise a hearty growing season down the road.

This week in client sessions, I’ve found myself thinking about that waiting-for-growth period in the garden, and how similar it is for all of us waiting for a particular life dilemma to be resolved.

An unresolved issue of any kind…relationship, grief, job, whatever…tends to occupy our thoughts disproportionately. We peer at it from different angles (is that a little green shoot?), haul it out for closer inspection (maybe if I get down on the ground and look sideways), and talk with friends and family to get their input (come out to the garden, maybe you can see better than I can).

All of this is worth doing if it helps get us to a point of acceptance, even before resolution. When it becomes excessive (no, thanks, I don’t need dinner, I’m just going to sit here and watch things grow) perhaps we need help from someone less invested in the outcome (Nancy, it is midnight, come inside now).

I wish you much success as you work toward resolution, and watch your gardens grow. Remember to ask for help if you need it. Because we all need help sometimes.

And by the way, the garlic is up. Really, it is.

November 30th, 1999 - Posted in Gardening and Life, Health: Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Parenting, Uncategorized, Work | | 0 Comments