Integrity

Integrity–what is it, and what do you do when yours has been questioned? This issue affects most of us at one time or another in our lives. Recently, it affected me.

Defined

According to the Random House dictionary, integrity is “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty”. Given that the converse is “dishonesty”, no wonder it’s so worrisome when others decide for some reason that we are lacking in integrity.

Now You Have It, Now You Don’t

While it takes a long time to build integrity in the eyes of others, experience demonstrates that it takes just seconds to lose it. How odd, but how very human. It seems that too often, we’re ready to assume the worst about a person but have to be convinced of the best.

Sad, Distressing, and Frustrating

It is always sad, distressing, and even frightening to lose integrity in the eyes of others. Especially since once lost, it can be hard or even impossible to regain their trust. What makes it worse is there isn’t a good way to fight it. If you protest too much, the accusers hear it as confirmation that they were right. If you don’t protest enough, they hear it as acceptance of their judgment of you.

Who Accuses?

Many people who accuse others of lying or cheating–or who plant seeds of doubt about you to others–are doing so because they reason from themselves. Knowing that they would take advantage of others, or lie to get something they want, or cheat because they can, they assume that others do the same. One sees what one expects to see. Liars see liars; cheaters see cheaters. When your integrity is questioned, one of the first things to ask is–what would the accuser be doing in your situation?

Regaining Integrity

It is not always possible to regain integrity in a particular setting, although it is usually worth trying. If your accusers are working from their own hidden agendas, you may be better off to move in another direction.

Defend yourself best you can under the circumstances, be yourself, and work hard to move forward. But if you cannot, move on. Those who spend time questioning the morality of others often do so to deflect attention from their own deficiencies. At the end of the day, they are the losers.

April 4th, 2007 - Posted in Health: Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual | | 0 Comments