Subterranean Grief

Many people are leaving jobs these days, at least here in Michigan.

Sometimes it’s a difficult and sad decision, one’s own or handed down from a seemingly uncaring upper management due to budget concerns. Sometimes, however, it is a great relief, freeing one from a frustrating and unrewarding situation.

Regardless of whose choice it is to leave, there are often a wide range of emotions. If you ask your colleagues and friends, most of these emotions are recognizable and shared. However, there is one emotion that is almost always present but routinely dismissed…that of grief.

Grief is a common feeling upon leaving a job. Even when it is your choice to leave, there is the grief related to loss of expectations. Beginning a new job has excitement and anticipation and hope along for the ride. Over time, those feelings can dim as reality sets in, but as long as you’re still in the position, you can hope for change and growth.

Leaving ends that hope, and as with any ending, grief steps in. But grieving is something most people in our culture associate only with death, so you can feel the impact but miss the signs.

Grief over leaving a job has all the same feelings as any other grief: denial, anger, sadness, anxiety, regret, relief and depression.

Our supportive family and friends may want to hear only some of these–if the job created stress for you and for them, your feelings of sadness and regret may be hard for them to fathom. If it was (seemingly) a great job, your feelings of relief may leave your support people confused.

All of the feelings associated with the loss of a job are normal and to be expected. So…what do you do about them?

• First, acknowledge the feelings, and give yourself time to feel and express them. Talk, write, meditate…whatever is your style of incorporating new feelings.

• Next, encapsulate the experience. Create your story of the job and it’s ending, add it to your narrative, and then make it a ‘chapter’ of your life history.

• After that, put it away, in thought and physically. Pack away the mementos for now. Put them in a place you can re-visit later if you choose, but remove them from your current life.

• Finally, envision your future. With loss comes opportunity…the next exciting chapter of your story lies ahead, and the possibilities are endless! Remember, as the past job came into your life, so will a new one, and you will continue to grow and change.

Do whatever you need to stay calm…time with friends, time alone, or keep busy getting all those tasks done that your job made hard to complete. This ‘open’ time between jobs can be creative and productive and help clarify your view as to what you want to do next.

Last but not least…ask for help if you need it! Your friends and other ’support team’ members are standing by ready to assist.

Good luck!

June 17th, 2008 - Posted in Work | | 1 Comments